Well today I have felt like an absolute fraud for being ‘sick’. Had my OHS appointment on the phone at 10am, which was really good, and had a sensible conversation about how I might be able to still work on my good days (out of the low periods where I would get work to join 21st century and work from home days 9 – 15 to be extra safe). I floated it past the man cub and I know he has misgivings but I’ve promised I will be sensible. My boss was great about it and totally trusts me, so I just need to make a work plan and make it work. No reason why I can’t nail this.
The parentals turned up to check on me – shocker! – and I dragged them down to the docs to pick up a sick note. Its only a 20min walk both ways, and I felt great (although I looked a level of special as advised that I shouldn’t wash my hair for five days after cold capping, and it still had the conditioned look that was something to be seen!). Just as the parentals left friends surprisingly dropped in – I was in a state of shock with the state I looked, but it was lovely to see them.
Once I had the house back to myself, I realised I was just waiting for the wall to hit. Peaks and troughs said one of my lovely work colleagues, and I need to just take this high for the moment. I am warned that a fall may come from the number of side effects that we have gone through, but for the moment I have a plan, I will tackle my diary tomorrow now I am going to go back to work. Its been a good day.
Well I made an absolute cock up of the injections I have to give myself from day 3 to 10. So when I had a c-section I got injections that didn’t show a needle so you just whacked it against your leg, needle pushed in and then disappeared. These Injections didn’t look the same so after some faffing and realising you did have to see the inch long needle and I’d messed the first one up (bin for that). Second one, I nailed – but putting an inch needle at a 45 degree angle into your stomach is not a fun experience. I had to ring the chemo unit as was now one needle down though and admit to being a numpty!
However I was still feeling fraud like, did five hours work and felt like I should have been in work.
Its now nearly Christmas and I’ve never dreaded it so much as I do this year. I can’t work out when I will buy presents (online may be the way forward). We’ve planned to get the tree in on the 15th which is the day after we go to a night time experience in a local museum so should make me feel a bit more festive. I’ve also booked in Santas breakfast for the cub, but the man cub will have to take her as I will be on house arrest that day. Of course it bloody is. Tiredness had caught up on me today but the cub wouldn’t leave my side – man cub offered to take her to the shops and barbers with him, but she told him he’d be alright on his onw and that she would keep me company! So we chilled with hugs and dancing and cuddles!! The headache that started the day after chemo has reached new levels today and I now think it is a migraine off the cold capping – it feels like an army banging my frontal lobe with hundreds of pick axes.
I return to work, and instead of feeling human like I did last week, I am at my worst. The headache is out of control now, and I kind of can’t wait to work from home as I might get loads done! I also had to visit the hospital to replace the cocked up injection. I felt like such a child! I do love my job though. I laughed, went to meetings, caught up on the gossip and felt like me again. I was back in my work place. Where I feel good and I feel strong.
I’ve still got this. And I am doing well (although early days).