Just putting this out there – cathartic

So the Instagram world went wild on Sunday night as Bree (Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewives – an amazing actor and female icon) posted a pic of her losing her hair due to chemo. It was a moment that threw me more than it would have two months ago. A moment that had me thinking about every decision that I had made in the last two months. Also a moment that had me thinking about every decision I am about to make in the next two months (and more).

And it got me really thinking.

When do you announce to the world that you have gone through, are going through, are about to go through the scariest, most ridiculous period of time in your life? Is there a right time? Is it anybody’s business but your own (family)? Do you want Facebook ‘friends’ offering condolences? Do you actually want to open yourself up to this (I am ridiculously anti social)? But then should you share? Should I make this a platform for others to learn from? Would this help?

All the questions.

And this also got me thinking, what do I actually need at this moment in time. Post surgery (pre results – lets hope they got it all out), do I need anything? Do I want anything? Here’s the answer – I think I do. I think I want to spread the word that this Breast Cancer can affect anyone. And I mean anyone. Mothers, sisters, grandmothers, daughters, step-daughters, step-mothers. And all others. It really can.

That is the message.

I don’t want sympathy, or pity, or knowing looks, or condolences, or stories of others. I feel like I want to spread the real word. I want every woman to be on high alert. I want everyone to be on the look out for this sneaky little body invader , who creeps into your bed and body and can attempt to break the steeliest resolve in a heartbeat. The invader that can bring a mother to her knees without a moments thought for herself or partner but her child is paramount.

Lets get onto me:

I am the most stubborn person (ask Jon who I sit next too at work) in the world. Accepting all management training speak and a lot of work over the years, I still make an effort on a daily basis not to lose my s**t daily with sub standard actions.

Cancer, however, doesn’t really comply with me losing my s**t and yelling at it. It is already in my body, haunting my tissue, making an attempt on my soul. And I can do jack about it, but comply with all medical appointments in the natural order of things. Which can feel bloody slow and long and winding. But I tell you what – steely resolve is still intact and I am fighting with every part of my body and soul. Not just for my beautiful child and family, but for the world of women. I have already signed up to a research programme (which I passionately feel is positive), I am determined that the next Race for Life I feel well enough for I will be running ‘for my left tit’, and I have promised myself I will document the full journey from actual start to ultimate finish for the child. She is my world. And I will do everything to keep being her world.

Next step is chemo – guaranteed hair loss. BRING IT ON! (while I also revisit and document the journey so far – it feels epic up to this point, but I’ll keep looking forward)


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